Similar to the various languages people speak all around the world, Dr Chapman proposes that there are also different love languages. Love languages are the different ways in which we show love and want to be loved. Dr Gary Chapman describes 5 different love languages. In establishing you and your partner’s love language, you would be better able to discover how to meet each other’s needs.
In this blog I am going to describe each love language and share practical tips for each love language. I invite you and your partner to take the love language quiz and then to read below. To do the love language quiz, please go to www.5lovelanguages.com
By establishing your love languages you can help boost your relationship immensely and decrease conflict in your relationship.
- Words of affirmation
Words of affirmation are positive uplifting words that will build you and your partner. This could be done by using verbal affirmations, words of appreciation, encouraging words, kind words and humble words.
If you or your partner’s love language is words of affirmation try these:
- Compliment each other daily.
- Compliment each other in the presence of others.
- Send a love message to each other.
- Highlight your partner’s strengths and tell him/her how much you appreciate these strengths.
- Tell your children how great their mother/father is.
- Physical Touch
If physical touch is you or your partner’s love language, holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse will be significantly important to you.
Some Practical Tips:
- Reach out and hold your partner’s hand whenever the opportunity presents itself.
- While eating together, let your knee or foot drift over and touch your spouse.
- Initiate sex by giving your spouse a foot massage.
- Hug your partner often.
- Give your partner a shoulder massage.
- When your spouse arrives home meet him/her one step earlier and give him/her a big hug.
- Gifts
Show love by giving and receiving gifts. “Gifts are visual symbols of love.” A valuable gift can also be the gift of your physical and emotional presence.
Some Practical Tips:
- Give your partner a parade of gifts. Give him/her one gift at a time at different times in the day.
- When you are outdoors surrounded by nature, scout around for a gift for your partner.
- Make a gift for your partner.
- Give your partner a gift every day for one week.
- Offer the gift of your presence.
4. Acts of Service
Acts of service are things that you can do for your partner, or your partner can do for you, to express your love for each other.
Some Practical Tips:
- Make a list of all the requests your partner has made of you over the past few weeks. Select one of these each week and do it as an expression of love.
- Give your spouse a love note accompanied by an act of service every 3 days for a month.
- Think about one act of service that your partner has nagged about. Do this act of service.
- Ask your partner to make a list of 10 things that he/she would like you to do for the next month and ask him/her to prioritise these things. Use this list to plan your strategy for a month of love.
- Ask your partner to tell you the daily acts of service that would speak love to him/her. Work these tasks into your daily schedule.
- Periodically ask your partner “if I could do one special act of service this week, what would it be?” If possible, do this task in the week.
- Quality Time
Quality time is not just being in the same vicinity as your partner but giving your partner focused attention and a feeling of togetherness.
Some Practical Tips:
- Take a walk together and speak about each other’s childhood.
- Make a lunch date with your partner.
- Ask your partner for a list of activities he/she would like to do with you and commit to doing at least one per month.
- Plan a weekend getaway for just the two of you.
- Make time every day to share with each other some of the events of your day.
“Love is a miracle worker.”
Reference: The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate (Gary Chapman)